Long winded baby post :)

I save most of my baby talk for Emerson's online baby book (that I am obsessed with and so excited to print after she turns 1... but no need for that to get here too quickly... she's growing too fast already) but I have to rave out my beautiful little girl a bit.

First off, I just have to say, she is THE best! All moms say this right?! She really is such a sweet, silly, and happy baby (I know I'm biased.) It blows my mind that Emi is already 3 1/2 months old. Where in the world has time gone?! But, it's weird because time seems to have sped up to triple speed, yet at the same time, it's really, really hard for me to remember life before her. What did I do all day long?! What did I do before the constant feedings, bouncing, playing, diaper changes, baths, and clothes changes? What did I do before I knew I could love a little person SO much?! She seriously adds so much to our family that we realize we really were incomplete before her. I will always cherish our 2 years of "couple time" in Grenada- of just being the 2 of us... but I wouldn't trade having this little human in our lives for a single second.

She sleeps like a champ. Pretty much always has. That's not to say she started out sleeping through the night (she did not.) BUT she's gradually slept for longer periods of time and compared to what I expected and what I know others have experienced... I'm one of the lucky ones. Napping just started to become somewhat a part of our lives.. but if being a bad napper means being a great sleeper at night... I'll take it.

She's the most alert baby in the whole world. As I said, she JUST started taking naps last week. I'm not even joking. She loves to play and be a part of the action. And surprisingly doesn't get too grumpy for having such little day time sleep. However, she's realized she gets less frustrated if she allows herself a few cat naps and full nap during the day... hurray!

She's so smart and such a sponge. I love, love, love watching her learn new things every single day. Things didn't work out with my job- they screwed me over pretty good, but ah, everything happens for a reason and I am cherishing every minute of being a stay-at-home mom. It's such a blessing.. whether I'll be one for the long term is still to be determined, but for now, I'm soaking it all up. So far she gives the biggest smiles all day long, is a champ at tummy time, grabs anything and everything, talks non-stop, rolls over, stands with help, and as of today- GIGGLES!

I take her everywhere. She's one of the most social babies in the world. She's been out and about with me since she was 2 weeks old and she loves it and is a huge trooper. Everywhere we go she brings so much joy and I'm just so proud to be her mom.

Parenting is not a breeze. It's 24/7 and some days, babies can be relentless. But I honestly have loved almost every minute of it. Every new phase is fun, and I do think I'll love it when she's a little more independent and doing things around the house is a little less of a struggle, however I will miss SO much from these newborn days. I love all the snuggles. I love that she needs me so MUCH. I love her little (loud) cry. I love her smile when she just wakes up- even when it's 3am (it's a little less cute several days in a row, I admit.) She just makes it all so fun, that even the not fun stuff, isn't really so bad. And maybe part of it is that I wanted her soooo bad. I waited years and years and years to have her, that it helps sugarcoat the tiredness and soundproof my ears when she's screaming for what appears to be no reason for a couple hours at a time and gives me patience when she's nursing for over an hour each time and feeding every 45 minutes....

And speaking of breastfeeding.. 

Nursing started out disastrous. And I mean that in every single sense of the word. And I'm not being dramatic or exaggerating. Breastfeeding was easily the hardest hurdle I've ever had to overcome in my entire life. I wasn't producing enough right away. Emi is a "snacker" who would just stay on there ALL day if given the chance- but doesn't necessarily always fill up.  I felt horrible about supplementing. I tried every remedy under the sun. I cried. I constantly questioned myself. I blamed myself. I chaffed, bled, and was in pain 24 hours a day for 2 months. I came to peace with supplementing and developed a schedule for nursing and bottles that worked wonderfully for a couple of weeks and then my baby BOYCOTTED bottles (I kid you not, would starve rather than drink from a bottle- even expressed milk.) I bled, cracked, cried, and BEGGED her to take a bottle some more. And then, s-l-o-w-l-y my supply went up, Emi became a little nicer to my boobs, and at 3.5 months she takes only 1-2 bottles max a day (only 1 of which is usually a formula bottle and that's in the morning JUST so that I can pump once a day to have a little supply.) SO we made it.

It wasn't easy and I wanted to give up every single day. I now have no regrets about supplementing, and I HATE the slogan "breast is best." Feeding your baby is what is most important, and there is no need for any additional guilt to be placed on a mom who chooses not to/or can't breastfeed for whatever reason. Support and encouragement go much farther and I could not have survived without that from SO many different people. To anyone having difficulty, first of all- I truly feel for you and if breastfeeding means a lot to you, I would encourage you to not give up, but at the same time, I also encourage you to find peace with formula if necessary . It is not the devil. It feeds your child. And you're a great mom even if your child doesn't feed directly from your boob. Okay rant over. ha.

 It's been the most amazing 15 weeks. I can't say I do things the "correct" way all the time. I let my baby sleep with me in the mornings, she watches Baby Einstein on occasion, she continues to consume formula, I'll probably feed her rice cereal "too young," and I cause Doctor Daddy to shake his medical filled head at me and list off what research studies and guidelines say... but I think even he would agree, that sometimes it's okay to not do things by the book. And that our daughter is not only thriving but one of the happiest babies on the planet. So I must be doing at least a couple things right and together we are raising a beautiful, baby girl ;)

This just in...

Psych has not grown on Nick. Not one bit.

And yes, I think my sarcasm and grammar policing definitely helped to boost his mood.

Supporting my Doc-In-Training, one sarcastic comment at a time ;)

A week and half until this rotation is over. Praise the Lord!

Psych/ Step 2 CK rant

Ya know in my last post where I said Nick had always said he'd never want to do OB or Psych? Well, while OB may have been interesting and enjoyable and impressed him... Psych is NOT having that same effect. He hates it. He doesn't necessarily mind working with the patients, but he doesn't have the temperament or interest to do it long term. He finds it mostly to be busy work and doesn't feel respected as a member of the medical team.

Since he wants to specialize in EM- the experience is definitely a useful one and I think he's definitely picked up a few new skills (however, he's spent a lot of his time with the Social Worker and not with the Attending or Resident, so really, I could have taught him how to do a Bio-psycho-social interview... but I digress).

Only 2 weeks left and then he's got a break (ish- still has to study for Step 2 CK) before 4th year rotations begin in September.

Speaking of Step 2 CK... lets just say SGU has put Nick and students in his same term between a rock and a hard place. True to form with the lack of informing students accurately- Nick signed up to write his CK on Aug 12 a couple of months ago. He decided to do it in mid-August due to having his Psych rotation all the way up until Aug 1st.. thinking he could get a couple weeks to JUST study for CK which would be helpful. However, he got an email 3 weeks ago saying he needed to take his exam BEFORE July 28th if he wanted his scores back in time to send out Residency applications on September 15. He's gone back and forth stressing over whether to bump up his test drastically with little notice and have the score back to submit "on time" or take it when he had planned, probably get a better score, but get his "completed" application in late. Really there is no easy decision and pros and cons for both.

After meeting with the Residency director at St. John's he has decided to take it as planned and hope that have a delay in his applications being complete doesn't screw him over for interviews. I'm confident he will do well, but it's so disappointing to see my hubs, and other students, who work their butts off and excel but then don't have the University put them in a position to thrive. US students who are in Nick's year finish their rotations in late June/early July in order to have time to prepare and still get their scores back in time... so it's unfortunate SGU students are given the same courtesy and opportunity.

Just another hurdle for foreign grads to overcome right? At least 3 years into medical school, we're pretty used to it by now.