Today is November 4th and I would say today marks the official countdown to my big move down to Grenada.... ah, wow! 2 months feels frighteningly soon...
In the past couple of weeks I have been completely overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with school, overwhelmed with field, and overwhelmed with change.
For the majority of my 23 years, I have been a student. For the past 5 1/2 years I have been a college student. Sure, I've considered myself an adult for many years now, but when asked to identify as something I have always been a "student." As much as I have been yearning to be done, as ready as I am to be done, and as much as I
need to be done to save my sanity... I can't lie, there was a lot of comfort in being a student. There is a safety net that encompasses being a student. Being a student somehow justifies the right to cling to being young and somewhat irresponsible and it makes you feel less guilty when you admit you have no idea what you are going to do as a life long career. It is acceptable, and the norm, to be broke and living off loans.
In 5 weeks I am officially done with graduate school. I will be a master's graduate from the University of Michigan. And... in 5 weeks I am officially no longer student. Rather, I am officially a 23 year old,
unemployed master's graduate. Ouch. That stings a bit.
Student.. meet adulthood... where loans are no longer offered every semester, rather a bill is sent as Uncle Sam comes to collect what he's so generously handed out over the years.
Here's the main thing that has been on my mind a lot lately... Being unemployed is okay when you are student. It is okay when you are taking 18 credits and working 24-30 hours a week at your field placement. However, it sounds less okay when you have officially graduated and are
choosing to move to another country to
volunteer for the next year and half. If I had moved to volunteer prior to graduating... as a "student" for instance... hands down, no questions asked, it would have seemed like such a great experience, that was helping to shape me into a better person, and expand my knowledge beyond classroom and even United States walls. But... now I am adult. Young adult yes, but adult nevertheless getting a paid job would be the plan of action according to most.
I am
so excited about the experience I am going to get in Grenada. It is going to change me as a person, it is going to add to my work experience, and it is going to challenge me in many different ways, every single day, for the next year and half. Despite that though, I can't help but wonder if people think I am irresponsible every time I tell them my future plans. Every time someone asks what I am doing come December, they are expecting me to list job opportunities that I have looked into or plan to pursue, and are shocked when I inform them I have not looked into jobs, rather I will be volunteering in a third world country. Puzzled and intrigued looks are then followed with a line of questions regarding how I will support myself and where I will get money from without a real big girl job. I admit, I do not answer these questions easily, but rather, dance my way around them, feeling slightly embarrassed and slightly irresponsible.
Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to be in Grenada. I truly do believe there is more to life than money and I think that living in Grenada will enrich my life in ways that money never could. I really, really believe that. I guess I just feel that people believe I am going on year and half vacation to the Caribbean, and I would argue that that is not the case.
I am going because Nick is there. I am going because long distance relationships stink. I am going because while we've managed our semester apart like champs and actually probably grown closer- it is not how I want to spend the next 2 years. No money is worth missing out on him. I am going because I think I can help the children of Grenada. Yes, it is a major disadvantage that there is no pay involved, but in some ways that is what makes it more meaningful. I am doing it because
I want to. I am doing it because
I love children. I am doing it because I think I have a lot of skills, knowledge, and passion for this type of work that really can make a difference.
Also, moving to the Caribbean, while it sounds glamorous, is really scary. I have never lived more than 15 minutes away from family, and now I am moving to an entirely different country. I am moving to a place to be with a
medical school student...In other words, I will be by myself the majority of the time. I am stepping out into full fledged adulthood without the comforts of home and my family 15 minutes away to support me.
It is a huge change and in many ways, not so glamorous at all. It is going to be hard and at times it is going to be really lonely. I am going to get homesick. I am going to have to learn how to navigate life in Grenada on the fly and step out of my comfort zone. Every day tasks that we don't even think twice about in the States, will not be so easy. For example, going to the grocery store will require taking a bus, shopping, lugging everything I bought back on the bus with me, and then walking it from the bus stop home. There is no quick grocery store run in Grenada. There is no dishwasher and more often than not I will dry our clothes on a clothesline. It is drastically different in many ways. More simple, but often also less convenient.
But all of that... that is what makes this an adventure. That, is what makes this a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And amidst all the scariness that comes with this big change and the homesickness that is sure to hit immediately upon passing through the security gates at Metro... are breathtaking Grenadian sunsets, the clearest blue water I have ever seen, cliffs to jump off of, and an ocean view out my bedroom window.
